There is quite the mixture of love and fear mixed into most of my memories. There’s the day I was so excited for the princess party that my mom had planned. We had princess outfits and a pig made from meatloaf. We were real princesses. I remember our friends starting to arrive, and then I… Read More Emblem of Our House: Aquarium
The week of her death, I was already struggling with my faith. I’d had questions for a long time. I’d gone through the motions of church for a while. Suddenly, I was 30, then 31, and I felt pretty damaged. I was divorced. I couldn’t get rid of the extra weight I’d packed on during… Read More Emblem of Our House: Faith
I spent the summer between my freshman and sophomore years at college. I’d gotten a job in the admissions office for the evening programs, geared towards folks with 9-5 commitments. I wasn’t very good at calling people, and I rarely got anyone on the phone, but it was a job, and, by that point, there… Read More Emblem of Our House: Car
The guilt could kill me if I let it. The first overwhelming crush of guilt came for me when I was 18. I’d left home forever, traveling 2,000 miles away to attend college in northern California. Before I left, I took each of my youngest siblings out for dinner, just one-on-one, and we talked about… Read More Emblem of Our House: Guilt
Ten years ago, I was 23. Margaret was 13. I was still six months away from moving to Colorado, trying to find a job in New York City while staying with a family from the religious group I’d been a part of since 2008. And there was a guy attending another religious weekly gathering who… Read More Emblem of Our House: Date
There’s a little bar across the street from my mom’s house. We went there for dinner the week of the funeral, while everyone was still around. We were waiting for some family members to join us when a woman turned around at the bar and said, “Margaret!” My stomach dropped in that moment, and I… Read More Emblem of Our House: Drunk
I haven’t had to answer questions about my education for years at this point. In the past, I would say something like, “I was partly homeschooled and partly private schooled,” and sometimes the other person would have questions, but sometimes they’d be too confused to explore further. It’s a lot of details that don’t matter… Read More Emblem of Our House: Education
I look a lot like my father. I’ve got dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, and that one droopy eyelid that he has, too. It’s a very Jewish look, a standard throughout history. Out of the eight of us, there are only three with brown hair and brown eyes. My older sister Jessica, me,… Read More Emblem of Our House: I Call Him Schlep