I can’t stop thinking about death and justice. It’s everywhere now, things I used to justify and explain away so easily. Well, if he didn’t resist (now I understand the profound fear and panic). Well, she seemed to be a bad person (someone’s past decisions do not provide a pass for a violent murder, with… Read More Emblem of Our House: Justice
The shock hits first; the grief, second. The shock I could handle. I’d experienced that before. Adrenaline was easy once there are pre-programmed responses, once a body has experienced a situation a few times. Hitting the waves isn’t too bad after that. I took care of my responsibilities, contacting the people who needed to know… Read More Emblem of Our House: Villain
Nothing bad happens when I’m making art. I was a dancer first, at age 3, enrolled at a studio in Brooklyn. I danced until I was 11. By then, we’d lived in Pennsylvania for two years. I studied ballet, jazz, and tap. We’d been working really hard on recital pieces when Schlep learned that the… Read More Emblem of Our House: Art
The morning she died, I was tired. I woke up late that day. I didn’t have to go to the farm. I had Reggie, a small Yorkie I was dogsitting. I had a dentist appointment that afternoon. I’d finally gotten financially to a point where I could afford to go every six months. I went… Read More Emblem of Our House: Gone
There is quite the mixture of love and fear mixed into most of my memories. There’s the day I was so excited for the princess party that my mom had planned. We had princess outfits and a pig made from meatloaf. We were real princesses. I remember our friends starting to arrive, and then I… Read More Emblem of Our House: Aquarium
The week of her death, I was already struggling with my faith. I’d had questions for a long time. I’d gone through the motions of church for a while. Suddenly, I was 30, then 31, and I felt pretty damaged. I was divorced. I couldn’t get rid of the extra weight I’d packed on during… Read More Emblem of Our House: Faith
I spent the summer between my freshman and sophomore years at college. I’d gotten a job in the admissions office for the evening programs, geared towards folks with 9-5 commitments. I wasn’t very good at calling people, and I rarely got anyone on the phone, but it was a job, and, by that point, there… Read More Emblem of Our House: Car
The guilt could kill me if I let it. The first overwhelming crush of guilt came for me when I was 18. I’d left home forever, traveling 2,000 miles away to attend college in northern California. Before I left, I took each of my youngest siblings out for dinner, just one-on-one, and we talked about… Read More Emblem of Our House: Guilt
There’s a little bar across the street from my mom’s house. We went there for dinner the week of the funeral, while everyone was still around. We were waiting for some family members to join us when a woman turned around at the bar and said, “Margaret!” My stomach dropped in that moment, and I… Read More Emblem of Our House: Drunk